I have a solution that has actually WORKED.
2011 MacBook Pro running updated macOS Catalina and an iPhone XR running updated iOS 16. I was flummoxed by two different flavors of "a software update is required to connect to your iPhone" and two different flavors of "installation failed/cannot install the update file" along with "iPhone could not be read".
Went through just about every suggestion out there, including installing Xcode, reinstalling iTunes (now just called Music), clearing caches and so forth.
MY solution? Time and Date. Yep. I come from starting with 8086 PCs back in the 80s and one key thing that fouled folks like me up with preventing computers actually FUNCTIONING AT ALL - time and date were not properly set to match what the computers was communicating with. In today's world, time and date issues basically can't really stop a computer device (everything is one, now) from functioning but they can sure throw a wrench in the works and cause lots of headaches.
I pulled up the time and date in my iPhone, which showed that I had the time set in 24 hour format (being military/fire-rescue in my past life, that's a habit) AND, while "Set automatically" was turned on, the Time Zone field just had a SPINNING WHEEL and nothing else.
I turned the 24-hour format OFF, making the time read in the usual am/pm format, which matched that of my MBP time and date. And guess what happened?
The spinning wheel in the Time Zone field disappeared and was replaced with "Cupertino".
Reconnecting the iPhone to my MBP, I DID get the messages that the contents of the phone could not be read and that a software update was needed to connect the iPhone to the manager. I ran the software install, which actually COMPLETED. I did get one message about reading the phone, but...dismissing that EVERYTHING HAS BEEN WORKING AS IT SHOULD!
Boiled down: make sure your TIME AND DATE SETTINGS ARE THE SAME between your Mac/MacBook and your devices.