Every time I pause or unpause Netflix on Apple TV it starts playing iTunes music on my computer, even with wi-fi and home sharing turned off.
How do I disable iTunes from launching when using Apple TV?
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Your remote is detected by both machines at the same time. They obviously do not know to whom the command is addressed, therefore this happens.
You have two choices:
Disable infrared remote reception on your Mac. On your Mac, go to 'System Preferences' and then 'Security & Privacy'. Select the 'Advanced' button in the lower right corner. Check the box that says "Disable remote control infrared receiver" and click "OK'. Apple documentation.
Pair your remote with a particular device. To pair a remote with your Mac, follow instructions above and select the 'Pair' button to the right of the 'Disable remote' checkbox. To pair a remote with your Apple TV, go to 'Settings' > 'general' > 'remotes' from the AppleTV main menu, and then choose 'Pair Apple Remote'. You can pair 2 different remotes with each machine, but you won't be able to pair one remote with both machines. Apple documentation.