I seem to have lost my first backups, they disappeared from time machine!.... Is there a way to get back to them?
I think your first backups are most probably auto purged by Time Machine.
Time Machine automatically remove oldest backups when your backup disk is full. And Time Machine keeps hourly backups for the past 24 hours, daily backups for the past month, and weekly backups until your backup drive is full.
Therefore there's no guarantee that your first backup(s) will be preserved.
You may try data recovery softwares on the Time Machine drive, but quite likely it won't help as Time Machine make new backup hourly and overwritten the old data.
If you are depending on Time Machine to archive files that you have removed from your hard drive, that's not a backup (there's only one copy of the data- in Time Machine). As Owen mentioned, it's likely that Time Machine automatically purged your early backup(s).
You really need to reevaluate your backup strategy because I don't think you understand what the role of Time Machine is.