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If someone has my Itunes password and phone number/email address, are they able to set-up their iphone/ipad to see my imessages without my consent? If so, is there a way for me to trace this?

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Yes, in a way, it is possible to "trace" it.

The good news for you, is that (I'm speaking in regards to Mountain Lion and iOS 6, not necessarily for older versions) every time a device authorizes and uses your Apple ID and phone number it will alert you on all your other devices. For example, if you are signed into your Apple ID for Messages on your Mac, and you purchase a new iPad Mini, and sign into it, it will display an alert on your Mac that says (something like) "[Your] iPad Mini is now using [your Apple ID] for iMessage". There is no way for you to deny that request (it is just informational) but that would alert you to possible abuse of your account if someone else has maliciously set up your Apple ID on your account. With this information you can easily change your Apple ID password and render the abusive user's information useless.

I'm not aware of a way to view all of your devices that are using your Apple ID for Messages and Facetime, but if you are careful to be aware of those prompts that come up, and change your password if something suspicious comes up, you will be set.

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Thanks for your prompt response - I feel better but it still seems that Apple should make it easier to determine what devices can access your chat on an ongoing basis. – SuperK Jan 1 '13 at 3:10
@SuperK, yes, it would be nice to have somewhere to see all the devices that are currently signed into Messages, but keep in mind, if someone apprehends your Apple ID and password combination, there is a lot more damage that can be done such as purchasing iTunes content. Just another good reason to have a strong password. – bassplayer7 Jan 1 '13 at 5:24
@SuperK, please feel free to accept (the checkmark below the arrows to the left of my answer) my answer if it has proven helpful. This benefits you (with reputation), me, and future visitors by letting them know what has answered your problem. – bassplayer7 Jan 1 '13 at 5:26

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